Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I have realized a very interesting pattern in my life. Wait, let me preamble a bit.

It has been a very cold winter by my standards, and of course, this created a lot of cabin fever around here. The kids did their best to stay entertained, but how many times can you watch Kun-fu Panda? Zoe even started to recite her favourite movies from start to finish, complete with songs and proper character voices. Of course, I had too much time to run around in my own head and so I started to muse about faraway places (like I'm not far enough away??). When your stuck in the house, suddenly everywhere starts to look better than where you're at. I began to seriously consider other opportunities elsewhere, sunnier, greener fields, and the more I considered, the more my soul was sold on the next adventure. My mind had already packed up all of our belongings, said good-bye to friends and with tickets in hand... I talked to Kyle about it. Ok, ok, it was more like hounding him at times. Being the voice of wisdom that he is, of course he made me see that the timing was not now no matter how vividly I saw it happen in my head, that winter would end sometime and my perspective would change with the coming south winds of spring.

Even though I knew he was right, I still couldn't rid myself of the craving for something new and exciting; it seemed to be in my very bones. I felt purpose in adventure and change, and for things to stay the same seemed...well, depressing. I began to ask God what was actually going on, why was I so sold on picking up and travelling downstream. Suddenly the last ten years unfolded like a calender in my mind and I saw that every year, just as we are on the cusp of spring, a decision is made that radically alters the course of my life. Seventy percent of the plans are made in March probably after a winter of "I'm so bored and cold when is something interesting going to happen" thoughts. I would have never believed that I could be prone to such a cycle... that making bold decisions and throwing out comfort would be a pattern! I am so predictable! Kyle would probably say "yep, like the seasons".

Do I still want to pioneer another project and move on this year? You bet! Will we? I don't know. While I still feel a yearning in my heart for a different place, we must follow the way of peace without striving to make it happen. The changes that have taken place every spring have been good decisions that have always led us forward, thus meant to be; but the struggle and depression settling in before hand must end. I don't think winter bullies spring into showing her lovely face every year, rather, she just comes in due time.

2 comments:

  1. hi kelley,
    thanx for that - i love you, karen (mom)

    ReplyDelete